Era of “Modern Women” is the Wimpy Men’s Paradise

Ever since, I never was popular with the women. Especially during high school days, I was mostly viewed as the “best friend” type for the girls. Friendzoned – as what the current young ones use to call it. And some other time I was looked at by other girls as a bit “effeminate”.  Maybe it was due to my closeness with my mom that I had been mimicking her actions unconsciously. Though not to boast but I am aware that there were also those who had crushes on me. But that’s just it. 



I’m not like my other guy friends who were counting girlfriends and flings around the campus. It’s not that I didn’t get attracted to the pretty ladies. I had lots of crushes actually.  And I did get some bit of courage to send cheap gifts, wrote letters and had phone calls with some of them. But I did it inconsistently and poorly. I didn’t even know what to tell them. And atop of not knowing what to do was my awareness that I wasn’t ready then to be in a relationship because first reason was I didn’t have time yet. Second was I didn’t have money. I always thought that to have a girlfriend means giving up lots of time for her and then spending for weekly dates. My daily allowance was enough for a single decent meal and a 2-way transportation fare and I was also not allowed to be outside our house after 7pm. 

My daily allowance in high school.

Doing a little analysis, courage wasn’t really my issues then. It was my readiness. I was also not looking to have relationships just for the sake of it. I always think that to have a girlfriend means there's something with that woman that you see her as part of your future.  And that men should be working hard to show that we deserve the women’s time and attention.  And during dates, though it’s really practical now that women give their share, still the men should insist paying and even if they expect to share, men should have enough to cover all their expenses. Oh yes, I’m a bit old fashioned and traditional.

Many women of today say that they are now more “empowered” than ever. I do agree. And I also support them on this.  

Just like how courtship is an option now. Many relationships simply start with an “agreement” between the two. If the guy and the girl like each other then that’s it. It does not even need to be personal. It can be done via sms or via social media statuses or message. And it’s not always the guys who make the first move. Many girls are now sending the first “feelers” to the guys that they like.  And for some modern women, it’s normal. And gone were the days of the well covered women. Peeping-toms ran out of business because now everyone can be like them without doing much effort. Skins are showing everywhere.  

Casual dress of today are smaller than the swimsuits of the past (photo credit: debyclark.blogspot.com)

 

Men can also throw responsibility out of the window. They can do almost everything now since many women feel that they too can “cooperate” with men in avoiding from being accountable in what they do. Premarital sex is now ok to both sexes since contraceptives are always available for them. And there are women who volunteer to do it themselves so they can also enjoy their life without the consequences. And the guys don’t need to worry anymore about getting them impregnated. Second thoughts are unnecessary.

Though there are still a lot of women (and men) who don’t act that way. But there are really those who believe in such kind of “empowerment”.  For them, it’s all about their choice. It is about choosing their preferred lifestyle, their actions, how they talk and they dress, etc. I got no problem with that. I am just wondering if it’s them that is being empowered or is it the other way around. It’s because rather than making lives easier for the girls, it seems that it’s the boys who are enjoying the show more.

By changing the norms, men can get things easier now. No need to make lots of effort. No more courtships. No need for waiting. And sometimes, no need to respect and treat women as women. Many men see having “relationships” as a game since there’s no need of seriousness now as they can get in and out of it instantly. They can score more since the defense is down, and that basically, the other side is also doing more on the offense if we are to use basketball language here.

The wimps are really enjoying it. Just imagine if they were born during our grandpas’ generation, I doubt if they can do their thing.  These softies are lucky. Because of these modern women, everything else is easier. Gone were the days of the “alpha males” and the “loser guys”.  Every guy can now effortlessly do what the other guy on the next seat can.

I was talking about “women empowerment” but I can’t help seeing these scenarios since they are true and they are happening. But if I have to judge, I have to give it to the women of the recent past. They are far more “powerful” than their present counterparts.  Besides having to enjoy almost every right that a human being must have like in their careers, education, etc., they still had these advantages than what some of these women modernists have.   

During their time, men needed to exert themselves to win women’s hearts. The males were at their mercy and are expected to be patient and to wait for women’s decisions and timeline.  Women then talked about their selves with more respect. They never called themselves “bitches” nor being proud of it. Unlike now where “proud bitches” are around.  And objectification of women is now the in thing among celebrities. To be on top of men’s fantasies is a dream and an achievement. Compare this before that a simple “whistle” towards the females was considered offensive. And we now dance to music with lyrics about “whores” and female body parts.

Oh well. I think that this is really a time when we men don’t need to be much of a man to win women’s hearts. It’s more effortless. And in general, most things that are easy to get ends up being taken for granted.

From This

Gone were the days of the authentic feminists and empowered women when Margaret Thatcher, Mother Theresa, Princess Diana, Ayn Rand, CoryAquino, Golda Meir, Oprah Winfrey and others like them were the role models of the “modern women”.  Now, we see more of the likes of Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj in the forefront. Though there’s still hope in the likes of Zerlina Maxwell and Malala Yousafzai, admit it that they are relatively unknown compared to the two I mentioned earlier.

 

To this

It had gone notches down from a high point in the 80’s and the 90’s. So what happened to the women’s empowerment advocacy? It’s like someone hijacked it and used it to his/her own liking and interest. I’m thinking of a conspiracy here. Maybe there once were these group of wimpy young guys who were ignored by the pretty girls. They were avoided and ridiculed. No other people would make friends with them. With that, they promised among themselves that someday they would be very rich and powerful. And they will turn the tables around. Things will become easier for them. No need for them to approach the girls because they just have to go around and look around to see and get what they want. And they will create the illusion to the other gender that what they will be doing is empowering to them and that it is what they really want and while doing them unknowingly, it’s the opposite gender that will apparently benefit and enjoy all of these. So, how these guys are doing now? 

Hurting Truth

As much as possible, I avoid trying to hurt other people. But if saying the truth will hurt, I weigh it first before telling but more often than not, I say it. Especially if hurting the concerned person by the truth will protect them from further harm.

But truth being the truth is not always necessary. In fact, there are lots of truths around us that we haven't discovered yet but here we are living off without knowing.

Truth frees and protects people. And it hurts. But sometimes, as unnecessary as it is, people utilize truths wrongly as an excuse to hurt others.

It's different between trying to help other people by stating the truth than trying to destroy someone using it. The difference between the two is the intention. The first one is mainly to tell the truth. The other one is to hurt.

2 Ways of a True Friend

If you're doing something bad or wrong, there will be two ways that a true friend will react to what you do.

1. Will directly hurt your feelings with his words to try swaying you away from more harm.

or

2. Will calmly accept what you're doing, give you some feelers that he doesn't like it and that he rather see you do something else. But he will still let you decide on your own and hope that the hurting you will get from choosing the wrong one will make you realize what's bad for you in the end.

But either ways, a true friend will stay with you in the end no matter what. They will support you when you are down. But you should also expect the words "I told you so" from them after that.

Dealing with Traffic Woes (Punish Pasaway Commuters)

Araw araw ay napakaraming aksidente ang nangyayari sa kalsada. Madalas nasisisi sa mga drivers. Kahit pa nga tren or LRT/MRT ang makasagasa, nakakasuhan pa rin ang mga operator kahit kung tutuusin ay hindi naman nila basta basta maippreno ang mga ito kung biglang may tumalon sa riles. May batas tayo sa Jaywalking pero ilan ba ang nahuhuli at napaparusahan dito? Marami ang tinatawag na mga deadly roads tulad ng Commonwealth Ave. pero sa dinami dami ng tumatawid dito sa maling tawiran, ilan lang ba ang nahuli? Kung talagang hinuhuli ang mga tumatawid sa mali, mababawasan kaya ang mga aksidente sa kalye? Malamang.

Sa ngayon ay ito lang ang violation na pamilyar ako na ang hinuhuli ay ang mismong mga tao na tumatawid o dumadaan sa kalsada. Pero may isa na dapat sigurong lagyan na rin ng batas na sya ring malaking dahilan kung bakit madalas na buhol buhol ang traffic san man tayo magpunta. Yan yung mga pasaway na sumasakay at pumapara kung san san.

Di na bago ang makita ang mga nag-uunahang mga pasahero sa pagsakay sa jeep. Babae, lalaki, bata, matanda, pilay, buntis, normal, construction worker, naka pang opisina, walang sinasanto. Lahat ata naranasan na ito. At sa mga binanggit ko, paniguradong kita na ninyo ang problema. Kawawa ang mga hindi ganoon kalakas at kabilis. Iba-iba ang diskarte. Walang pila-pila. Kalat kalat. Kung san papahinto ang jeep, dun ang takbo. Gulangan, hawian, tulakan. At talagang may mga magiging kawawa. Walang nagbibigay. Lahat halos gustong manlamang.

Hindi ko masasabi kung sino ang may sala, kung ang mga sasakyan o ang mga pasahero. Pero sa puntong ito, puede kong masabing ang pusher ay ang mga pasahero. Kung nakaayos ang mga pasahero sa puesto, nakapila at nakaayos, ang mga jeep o bus ay hindi na rin mag-tatagal sa pila at magaagawan sa pagkuha ng pasahero sa gilid gilid. Kung walang pasahero, walang dahilan para sila magtagal dun. Puede na agad hulihin. Pag meron, kung sino unang dumating, sila lang ang magsasakay at yung nakasunod sa pila ang susunod na kukuha ng pasahero. Isang lane lang.

Ang magiging epekto pa nito, hindi na rin sila masyado magtatagal sa pagtangkang kumuha ng pasahero sa ilang lugar. Lagi na nilang bibilisan papunta sa sakayan para sila ang mauna sa pila ng mga tao.

Dagdag pa dito ang kaayusan at pagkakaroon ng pantay na pagkakataon sa mga gustong sumakay, bata man, malakas pa, matanda man o buntis o may kapansanan. Hindi na kawawa ang mahihina at mababagal dahil may pila na.

At ang mga hindi aayos sa mga sakayan at pilahan na mga pasahero, bibigyan ng violation. Titicketan sila, huhulihin at parurusahan. Tulad ng mga jaywalkers o kaya ay mas mataas pa na parusa.

Sa paraang ito, malaki ang magiging epekto sa kaayusan ng trapiko at sa pagkakataon na makasakay ng mga pasahero. Laking ginhawa. Nagagawa naman ito sa ibang mga lugar tulad ng Ayala sa Makati, wala man pila pero may mga sakayan at babaan na andun lang ang pasahero. Sana ay subukan din ito sa mga lugar tulad ng Ortigas, Marcos Highway at iba pang mga busy na mga kalye.

Panigurado na marami na ang nakaisip ng magaganda pang mga proposals para sa ikakaayos ng daloy ng trapiko. Sana ay makita natin na pagbigyan ito.

Don't Just Be Yourself, Be Your True Self

There are a lot of things that pisses me off. Heavy traffic is one. As much as I try to ignore being affected, I can't help but give in to the rage. Maybe not really rage but just throwing a curse or two just to get it out of my system. At least I'm the only one that can hear them. But it's still bad. First for my health, and second for my battle for patience and self-control which I'm trying too much to work with. So what can I do? I try to look for answers around me. I hear a lot of advice from people. Some short but big words. YOLO, they say. What's that? I think I'm getting old. But I know what it means now. But how is that a good thing?



We always have these feel-good slogans. Some are as old as our forefathers while some are reinvented and rephrased. Most are used like drug dosages to instantly put the pain away. 

One that we always hear as an advice every time we are in the middle of a big decision-making situation is to "be yourself".  I'm not sure when this saying started. And I can't imagine how much we can be comfortable living our daily lives not being ourselves. 

But I understand how we can be not ourselves during these times. If you haven’t noticed yet, a lot of people are now doing and saying the same things. People watch the same movies, listen to the same songs, go to the same events, parrots the same opinions, etc etc. Even the things people hate are the same. And those who do otherwise are mocked “baduy” as we call them in Filipino. You’re not “in” for these cool groups of people. But then, you will usually hear the “be yourself” motto from the same guys. So, is being ourself now means being dictated what to do by others? Definitely not. So before we talk about being ourselves, there’s something more important than that which a lot of us miss. It is by knowing ourselves first.

It’s simple. You can’t be yourself if you don’t know yourself. And most of the time, it’s yourself who is your own worst enemy. It’s the one who first say you can’t do it. And similarly, you’re the first one to listen and believe it. So there’s the two of you who becomes your own opposition. You can all change this if you know yourself. You will know your strengths and capabilities and how to exploit them. You will be familiar with your weaknesses and how to improve them. By knowing all these things, a better you will suffice. Then you can be yourself.

Just like how much I know how weak I am when it comes to being patient. I am trying to improve on that. I will try harder. Next time, I will. Grrr. I will try harder. Next time.

Forget Equality

Equality sounds good. But it's never possible. Each human being is different. You are in an advantage and disadvantage at the same time. Absolute equality is boring. If we are all equal then nobody will need anybody. Equality is lonely. 

What we truly need is respect and acceptance of our differences. In fact, we can't do anything else better than this. I am different. You are different. We are all unique. Accept it. Respect it. Witness it. Live it. Live with it. Don't kill for it. The world will be better.

Halftime Review

Just like that and we already passed the halfway mark of 2013. It's just like yesterday when we were wishing for a great year ahead. 

As I grow old, I'm starting to realize that years, age and numbers aren't really that important. It's what we are based on those numbers which matters most. You can be too young for your age now, or too old for what you are doing. No time is being wasted as long as we are learning and improving on whichever we engage ourselves into.

Sometimes, you feel that nothing's going right and that you're going no where.That's still better than what you were yesterday when you were doing those things without realizing that it's not bringing you anywhere. And now that you know, you can decide if you will keep on at what you're doing or start changing the course. 

But before doing that, try to take a short glimpse of your past. Did you learn anything that you can utilize in the present to improve your future? Are there some things that you have left lacking that you need to finish off before you can move on to the next? Or is there anything that you are still carrying now that is better of left behind to make room for better stuffs in your baggage to your destination?

So how's your year so far?