Saturday, June 23, 2012

8 Valuable Lessons from Being Betrayed

I’d been betrayed so many times in my life. As hard as they were when they happened, I was able to get out of them alive. I can still clearly recall some of those betrayals that happened to me in details.

One instance that had etched deeply in my memory was when I was accused of stealing a classmate’s money.  He was a seatmate. I never thought that I would become a suspect as I never had a record of doing such a deed.  I never stole money in my whole life nor ever thought of it.  But it happened. I was accused of doing it. People were talking at my back. Well, not really at my back for some as I heard them speaking loud enough for me to hear it. I knew that they were talking about me.  I couldn’t speak back as they were not talking to me directly.  

They never gave me the chance to defend myself. I just kept it to myself until somebody was brave enough to call me up and to ask me upfront. And she told me that she had to ask me as she didn’t believe that I could have done it based on how she knew me. I was surprised and was thankful to have that call; it’s just what I needed at that time. I thanked her and told her that she’s right, I didn’t do it.  I didn’t know what she did with that information. Maybe she told those people who thought that I did it to clear my name. I never asked her.  Until the truth came out for the whole class and learned who actually did it. I never expected apologies but as far as I remember, I never received one.

It’s easier to forgive than to forget. I admit that I still remember those instances but they are not in my mind most of the times. I just seemed to remember them collectively when I’m being betrayed again. And with the many instances that it happened, I knew that these had to happen to all. There are just these lessons too valuable to be missed that make it worthy of being betrayed once in a while:

  1. You’ll learn to care less about what other people might think of you. You do good things and still some people will think badly. So might as well do what you really wanted without being focused on pleasing them.
  2. You’ll learn to expect less from people. Expecting too much will just give you major disappointments and will just ruin relationships with them.
  3. You will enjoy freedom and more time working on other things worth doing. Connected to number 1.
  4. You’ll have more time with people who are truly worth spending it with.
  5. You’ll realize that you should not judge other people easily.
  6. You’ll view life more positively because you will experience firsthand that there’s still life after betrayal.
  7. People have short memory of own misjudgments. Once you’re vindicated, people easily forget what they’ve wrongly thought of you..  Human mind seems to have a natural storage of mistakes of others and cancels all other. Probably, a natural defense mechanism. So move on. You can't forget but you can forgive by understanding this nature.
  8. You’ll learn to reserve and rebuild your trust (yes, you can rebuild it) with the right people as time passes by.
Regarding the people concerned on my betrayal story above, no worries. I rarely hold grudges. Most of those people who did that to me are still friends.  I forgave them a long ago.  If some of you guys are reading this, don’t worry. I understand that we were very young then. We know better now. And for the person who called me up, I haven’t talked with you after we graduated.  Hope we can still have a chance someday. Thanks to you again. But it's a fact that the people who betray usually forget the act, but to the one betrayed, they will remember and hopefully they will learn.

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